How You Doin?

I was dressed as Mr. Potato Head on Halloween.

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 18:01:16 -0500

Man dressed as a purple unicorn: So, is there a Mr. Potato Head?

Me: I am Mr. Potato Head.

Man dressed as a purple unicorn: Oh. Well is there a Mrs. Potato Head?

Me: This is confusing.

(via myself in NYC)

Uggh I told HR not to post that job listing to Craig's List!

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:53:57 -0500

Girl: I heard the position of sex slave was open.

Me: No, I’m married.

(via Jon on the internet)

Nope, nevermind I still won't consider it.

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 09:03:44 -0400

Thoroughly intoxicated elderly man: Will you marry me?

Me: Are you rich?

(via myself in NYC)

Bow wow wow yippy yo yippy yay

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 12:23:43 -0400

Man on fifth avenue to a woman walking her dog: Can I be your dog, too?

(overheard by myself in NYC)

I may hold this over his head for a while.

Sat, 12 Sep 2009 18:18:03 -0400

Man in Union Square: (to my boyfriend) She’s pretty, man.

Boyfriend: I know.

(via myself in NYC)

.::shudder::.

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 08:09:59 -0400

Man who is friends with my parents: I haven’t seen you since you were probably three years old!
Me: Aww, I must’ve been cute.
Man who is friends with my parents: ….Oh you still are cute!!

(via Bridget in Vermont)

Are snakes an inuendo?

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 10:23:57 -0400

Man in the subway: Look at them boots!

Me: (wearing colorful cowboy boots)

Man in the subway: You better watch out! Snakes love colorful boots!

Me: Huh??

Man in the subway: Keep those feet up!! Snakes love boots!

(via myself in NYC)

You should've told him you have "gas, gas, gas."

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 09:02:53 -0400

Construction Worker: JUMPIN’ JACK FLASH!

(via Alex in Washington, D.C.)

I imagine a tiny harp playing during this interaction.

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 09:27:11 -0400

Me: I am really surprised.

Girl: What?

Me: That you haven’t been arrested yet.

Girl: Why?

Me: For being so beautiful.

(via Nick in NYC)

Pick-up line or meth-fueled rambling?

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 21:45:44 -0400

Man in the metro: G.I. Jane!

Me: ?

Man in the metro: Stop lookin’ at my legs or they gonna get mad too. You gotta a mullet. You look more like a demographic.

(via Alex in Washington, D.C.)

I still would not consider it even if it did in fact make me money.

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 21:39:38 -0400

Man with cane: Shake your money-maker!

(via myself in NYC)

And FYI Gus is the fat one and Jaq is the other mouse. I had to call my roommate to find this out...she asked the entire line of people waiting to see Mika.

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 09:21:17 -0400

Man with potbelly: ‘Scuse me Cinderella, should I find another seat?

Me: Oh no, sorry. I was just trying to order a beer.

Man with potbelly: Cinderelli! Cinderelli! I’m like that mouse in the movie….but not the fat one.

Me: Gus? I remember one of the mice was named Gus.

Man with potbelly: Talk into my other ear. I can’t hear in this one.

Me: (repeat myself)

Man with potbelly: Yeah. Whichever one wasn’t fat. CINDERELLI! CINDERELLI!

(via myself in NYC)

Walking backwards on subway platform not advised.

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 09:24:56 -0400

Middle-aged man with baseball cap and greying hair: (walking backwards on the subway platform moving his gaze up and down) You have an amazing body.

Me: Uhhhhh.

(via Laura in NYC)

I have an inkling that this line doesn't work very often.

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 09:12:18 -0400

Drunk girl: Hey there …you going to the bathroom?
Me: Ummm yeah *awkward chuckle*
Drunk girl: Cause I’m lookin’ for a stud.
Me: I see.
Drunk girl: I already got the STD, all I need is U. I’ll see you on the way out, honey.

(via Brian in Manhattan Beach, CA)

I didn't even sneeze!

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 16:24:51 -0400

Man loitering on 30th street: God bless you, Princess!

(via myself in NYC)

To his credit, he didn't say he liked your beard cause it's like a Jesus beard.

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 05:58:20 -0400

Middle aged guy in his “Sunday best” brown suit: Hi.

Me: Hi. How’s it going?

Guy in suit: I like your hair… cause it’s like Jesus hair.

Me: (I think this is a nice compliment, if you’re a fan of Jesus) Thanks.

Guy in suit: You know, cause it’s kinky… (I walk away quickly)… you hear me?

(via Shea in Southeast D.C.)

an anonymous OKCupid message

Tue, 26 May 2009 14:00:48 -0400

Did you ever tell your friend, there is little something on their face, but they could never get the right spot, but search all over the face? Then you felt like slap her on the face?

Well that was an ice breaker, if it serves the purpose, Hi !.
Hope you are doing good. Hope you get tons of email everyday from awesome guys here .
Then let me extend the same hope to assume that you are absolutely receiving not a single email from any guys who are awesome AND cute AND smart AND ……….. like me.
Throw in some nice words above and be lavish too, its free.

Now, on a serious note, I write this to find out whether you are a believer of meaningful conversations; if you are I would love to indulge in some stimulating conversations and find out you are beautiful in the inside too.

R~

(via Alex in Washington, D.C.)

Scene from my walk to the gym this morning

Tue, 12 May 2009 13:59:32 -0400

[ARIELLE walks to the El in her gym clothes - yoga shorts, sneakers, and a baggy sweatshirt.]
LONE MAN ON SIDEWALK: Hey babygurl. You lookin real good. Good enough to eat, ha ha. Yeah you, Gray-Shorts. I like them legs.
ARIELLE: [stopping in her tracks, looking directly intently, unflinchingly at him] Oh, these aren't mine. I killed and skinned my roommate to make a pair of leggings.
LONE MAN ON SIDEWALK: ...
ARIELLE: [cheerfully] Have a good one!
[EXEUNT.]

In these economic times, we must put in as many hours as possible.

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 10:16:32 -0400

Construction worker: Hey baby, you working today?

Me: Yes.

Construction worker: That’s cool. Me too.

(via Natasha in Washington, D.C.)

Why don't you hack up your skirt a little more?

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 09:39:06 -0400

Man on escalator at MSG after the Dave Matthews Band concert: I want to BITE YOUR ANKLES! *chomp* *chomp* *chomp*

(via Erica in NYC)