How You Doin?

So pissed I wasted this joke on you.

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 11:36:59 -0500

Patent Lawyer: So…what’s your favorite book?

Me: The Berenstein Bears Get the Gimmies

Patent Lawyer: Oh…I’ve never heard of that.

Me: What’s yours?

Patent Lawyer: The Fountainhead

(via Alex in NYC)

Maybe he just confused you for a Yankee Candle.

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 16:43:53 -0500

Man in a golf hat and nice jacket: You’re pretty. You smell nice. Like honeysuckle.

(via Amanda in Washington, D.C.)

But thank you for your if/then statement of purpose.

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 21:42:27 -0500

Man in bar: If I were that guy that you’ve been talking to, then I would be making out with you by now.

Me: That was my brother.

(via Erica in Norwalk, CT)

Smooth. Are you a serial killer?

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 10:09:45 -0500

Man: Excuse me --
(I stop)
Man: I'm looking for BU?
Me: (slightly confused, as we are on the overpass which divides central and west campus) You're pretty much there. It's BU all along Comm Ave in both directions.
Man: I'm looking for the BU campus.
Me: Yeah. Um, this is it. Are you looking for a specific building?
Man: No, just the general area.
Me: Well you're there!
Man: I'm sorry, I'm just wondering -- you're a very beautiful woman, can I have your phone number?

A Subway sandwich place near Penn Station was the lunch spot you just had to try out?

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:20:53 -0500

Man in line at Subway: You’re tall. You could be a model.

Me: Thanks, I’m wearing heels though.

Man in line at Subway: I just moved here. So I figured I’d try this place out.

(via myself in NYC)

You really don't beat around the bush do you? You won't be beating around my bush either, man.

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 08:23:06 -0500

Man waiting for the bathroom: The ladies’ room is around the corner.

Me: Oh, I know…but it’s clogged. My friend is in there and I’m just guarding the door until she’s done.

Man waiting for the bathroom: Hey you’re good looking.

Me: Uh…

Man waiting for the bathroom: You know what I’m going to do? First, I’m going to make out WITH YOUR FACE. Then, I’m going to FUCK YOU.

Me: That is not how you speak to a lady!

(Then my friend came out of the bathroom and I went in there and could hear him using the same line on her)

(via Kristen in NYC)

I was worried it may be the list of secret ingredients to my grandmother's lasagna recipe.

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 08:19:48 -0500

Man on the sidewalk: ‘Scuse me, miss?

Me: Yes?

Man on the sidewalk: You dropped something.

Me: Oh! Thank you…where is it?

Man on the sidewalk: It’s my number. Here I’ll just give you a new one.

(via Emily in NYC)

I was dressed as Mr. Potato Head on Halloween.

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 18:01:16 -0500

Man dressed as a purple unicorn: So, is there a Mr. Potato Head?

Me: I am Mr. Potato Head.

Man dressed as a purple unicorn: Oh. Well is there a Mrs. Potato Head?

Me: This is confusing.

(via myself in NYC)

Uggh I told HR not to post that job listing to Craig's List!

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:53:57 -0500

Girl: I heard the position of sex slave was open.

Me: No, I’m married.

(via Jon on the internet)

Nope, nevermind I still won't consider it.

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 09:03:44 -0400

Thoroughly intoxicated elderly man: Will you marry me?

Me: Are you rich?

(via myself in NYC)

Bow wow wow yippy yo yippy yay

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 12:23:43 -0400

Man on fifth avenue to a woman walking her dog: Can I be your dog, too?

(overheard by myself in NYC)

I may hold this over his head for a while.

Sat, 12 Sep 2009 18:18:03 -0400

Man in Union Square: (to my boyfriend) She’s pretty, man.

Boyfriend: I know.

(via myself in NYC)

.::shudder::.

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 08:09:59 -0400

Man who is friends with my parents: I haven’t seen you since you were probably three years old!
Me: Aww, I must’ve been cute.
Man who is friends with my parents: ….Oh you still are cute!!

(via Bridget in Vermont)

Are snakes an inuendo?

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 10:23:57 -0400

Man in the subway: Look at them boots!

Me: (wearing colorful cowboy boots)

Man in the subway: You better watch out! Snakes love colorful boots!

Me: Huh??

Man in the subway: Keep those feet up!! Snakes love boots!

(via myself in NYC)

You should've told him you have "gas, gas, gas."

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 09:02:53 -0400

Construction Worker: JUMPIN’ JACK FLASH!

(via Alex in Washington, D.C.)

I imagine a tiny harp playing during this interaction.

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 09:27:11 -0400

Me: I am really surprised.

Girl: What?

Me: That you haven’t been arrested yet.

Girl: Why?

Me: For being so beautiful.

(via Nick in NYC)

Pick-up line or meth-fueled rambling?

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 21:45:44 -0400

Man in the metro: G.I. Jane!

Me: ?

Man in the metro: Stop lookin’ at my legs or they gonna get mad too. You gotta a mullet. You look more like a demographic.

(via Alex in Washington, D.C.)

I still would not consider it even if it did in fact make me money.

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 21:39:38 -0400

Man with cane: Shake your money-maker!

(via myself in NYC)

And FYI Gus is the fat one and Jaq is the other mouse. I had to call my roommate to find this out...she asked the entire line of people waiting to see Mika.

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 09:21:17 -0400

Man with potbelly: ‘Scuse me Cinderella, should I find another seat?

Me: Oh no, sorry. I was just trying to order a beer.

Man with potbelly: Cinderelli! Cinderelli! I’m like that mouse in the movie….but not the fat one.

Me: Gus? I remember one of the mice was named Gus.

Man with potbelly: Talk into my other ear. I can’t hear in this one.

Me: (repeat myself)

Man with potbelly: Yeah. Whichever one wasn’t fat. CINDERELLI! CINDERELLI!

(via myself in NYC)

Walking backwards on subway platform not advised.

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 09:24:56 -0400

Middle-aged man with baseball cap and greying hair: (walking backwards on the subway platform moving his gaze up and down) You have an amazing body.

Me: Uhhhhh.

(via Laura in NYC)