April 2011
1 post
I would suggest he take a cold shower but that...
A friend and I exit a walk-in freezer. A scruffy, much older man approaches.
Man: You know what happens when you go into a freezer? Me: …uhhh, no? Man: Your nipples get real hard! *stares hard at our chests* (via Lauren)
January 2011
1 post
should probably check missed connections for this
Me: (texting)
Man on street: You don’t need to text me, I’m right here!
Me: Alright, I will let you have that one.
Man on street: I’m Dan.
Me: I’m Erin.
Man on street: So, what do you do?
Me: I’m a librarian…and I bet you’re a comedian.
(via myself in NYC)
October 2010
1 post
Clever!
Guy at bar: So what do you do? Me: I’m an English as a second language teacher. Guy at bar: Oh? How do you say “I like you” in English? Me: I… like you? Guy at bar: I like you, too!
(via Erica in NYC)
September 2010
1 post
Bermuda shorts, Bahama, come on pretty mama
Guy in loud Bermuda shorts: Hi, how are you?
Me: Fine, thank you. Those are some “nice” shorts you’ve got on…
Guy in loud Bermuda shorts: I bet you’ve got something “nice” on too….under that dress!
(via Lauren in Boston)
April 2010
2 posts
This is what I get for wearing Minnetonka...
Man yelling out cab window: HEY POCAHONTAS!
(via myself in NYC)
Sorry I cannot hear you, I'm kind of busy.
Man on 13th Street: (to my roommate and I) Hello Lady Gaga and Lady Ooh La Lah!
Me: Which one of us is which?
Man on 13th Street: It don’t matter!
(via Kristen in NYC)
March 2010
4 posts
I wonder what his opinion is on Pottery Barn.
Me: (walking down the street with a bag from Crate & Barrel) Drunk Dude Bro: OOOOO CRATE AND BARREL BOOTAY!
(via Whitney in Boston)
I was just trying to appreciate your salutation,...
Man with Rottweiler: MY GOD. You are gorgeous. Me: Oh? Thanks! Man with Rottweiler: What? Me: I said thank you. Man with Rottweiler: Fuggedaboutit.
(via Tara in Boston)
I am so good with men.
Man from Belgium: Excuse me, do you know where there is a dance club around here?
Me: Hmmm…I’m not really sure. I don’t really go to dance clubs because I dance like this (starts dancing).
Man from Belgium: Okay. We’ve seen enough.
(via myself in NYC)
Well that was possibly the most disappointing...
Man wearing a suit and speaking with an accent in a terrible bar for doing so: Are you from the theater?
Me: No…why? Do I look like an actresssss?
Man wearing a suit and speaking with an accent in a terrible bar for doing so: No. There were just some people here from the theater.
(via myself in NYC)
February 2010
3 posts
Much like Matchbox 20, it's 3 a.m. and he must be...
Dude, out of nowhere, putting his arm around me: What's your name?
Me: It's, what, 2 AM?
Dude: Uh, more like 3, closer to 4.
Me: Yeeaaaaah. Exactly. *bitchstare*
Dude: [walks away]
Museum Guests: Worst Pick-up Line EVER
Guest: Hi!
Me: Hello.
Guest: Don't you recognize me?
Me: um...sorry, can't say I do.
Guest: Aren't you Tyler?
Me: no...
Guest: Are you Tyler's brother?
Me: I don't have any siblings.
Guest: You aren't even from around here, are you?
Me: Nope.
Guest: You remind me of someone I taught in Sunday School!
Me: Thank you?
Oh Rodeo Bar, you never disappoint!
Man with blonde streak in his hair: Are you Scandinavian?
Me: Um, I think my family heritage is Irish…
Man with blonde streak in his hair: Let me call your parents and ask them.
(via myself in NYC)
January 2010
3 posts
A back back is not an anatomical part.
Waiter at a Cafe: You got tattoos? Jo: Yeah, I’ve got a few. Waiter at a Cafe: You got one on your back? Jo: Yeah, I have a few on my back. Waiter at a Cafe: Nooo, like you got one on your back back? Me: Jo, I think he’s wondering if you have a tramp stamp.
(via Jenny in Connecticut)
He asked us for money after this but I didn't want...
Man in a puffy jacket: You know, you are a black man’s dream.
Me: Oh! Thank you?
Man in a puffy jacket: (to my friend) And you…you are a black man’s kryptonite.
(via Whitney in Boston)
We all gotta start somewhere.
Man in Madison Square Garden gift shop: You have beautiful eyes. Can I read you one of my slam poems?
(via Shannon in NYC)
December 2009
6 posts
Really covering all your bases, eh?
Guy with girlfriend: (his girlfriend has just left to use the bathroom) I saw you looking over here. Me: I’m sorry I was just thinking about work, spacing out. Guy with girlfriend: Oh, I was gonna see if you wanted my number. Me: Your girlfriend is here. Guy with girlfriend: I’m breaking up with her tonight so you can call tomorrow. Me: No thanks.
(via Gap in Bangkok)
She also added that she washed her ear with soap...
Man with spiky hair: (sticks his tongue in my ear)
Me: Whoa, whoa, whoa! You don’t even know me!
Man with spiky hair: I could get to know you…
Me: You don’t even know my ear.
Man with spiky hair: I could get to know your ear…
(via Kristen in NYC)
So pissed I wasted this joke on you.
Patent Lawyer: So…what’s your favorite book?
Me: The Berenstein Bears Get the Gimmies
Patent Lawyer: Oh…I’ve never heard of that.
Me: What’s yours?
Patent Lawyer: The Fountainhead
(via Alex in NYC)
Maybe he just confused you for a Yankee Candle.
Man in a golf hat and nice jacket: You’re pretty. You smell nice. Like honeysuckle.
(via Amanda in Washington, D.C.)
But thank you for your if/then statement of...
Man in bar: If I were that guy that you’ve been talking to, then I would be making out with you by now.
Me: That was my brother.
(via Erica in Norwalk, CT)
Smooth. Are you a serial killer?
Man: Excuse me --
(I stop)
Man: I'm looking for BU?
Me: (slightly confused, as we are on the overpass which divides central and west campus) You're pretty much there. It's BU all along Comm Ave in both directions.
Man: I'm looking for the BU campus.
Me: Yeah. Um, this is it. Are you looking for a specific building?
Man: No, just the general area.
Me: Well you're there!
Man: I'm sorry, I'm just wondering -- you're a very beautiful woman, can I have your phone number?
November 2009
5 posts
A Subway sandwich place near Penn Station was the...
Man in line at Subway: You’re tall. You could be a model.
Me: Thanks, I’m wearing heels though.
Man in line at Subway: I just moved here. So I figured I’d try this place out.
(via myself in NYC)
You really don't beat around the bush do you? You...
Man waiting for the bathroom: The ladies’ room is around the corner.
Me: Oh, I know…but it’s clogged. My friend is in there and I’m just guarding the door until she’s done.
Man waiting for the bathroom: Hey you’re good looking.
Me: Uh…
Man waiting for the bathroom: You know what I’m going to do? First, I’m going to make out WITH YOUR FACE....
I was worried it may be the list of secret...
Man on the sidewalk: ‘Scuse me, miss?
Me: Yes?
Man on the sidewalk: You dropped something.
Me: Oh! Thank you…where is it?
Man on the sidewalk: It’s my number. Here I’ll just give you a new one.
(via Emily in NYC)
I was dressed as Mr. Potato Head on Halloween.
Man dressed as a purple unicorn: So, is there a Mr. Potato Head?
Me: I am Mr. Potato Head.
Man dressed as a purple unicorn: Oh. Well is there a Mrs. Potato Head?
Me: This is confusing.
(via myself in NYC)
Uggh I told HR not to post that job listing to...
Girl: I heard the position of sex slave was open.
Me: No, I’m married.
(via Jon on the internet)
October 2009
1 post
Nope, nevermind I still won't consider it.
Thoroughly intoxicated elderly man: Will you marry me?
Me: Are you rich?
(via myself in NYC)
September 2009
2 posts
Bow wow wow yippy yo yippy yay
Man on fifth avenue to a woman walking her dog: Can I be your dog, too?
(overheard by myself in NYC)
I may hold this over his head for a while.
Man in Union Square: (to my boyfriend) She’s pretty, man.
Boyfriend: I know.
(via myself in NYC)
August 2009
2 posts
.::shudder::.
Man who is friends with my parents: I haven’t seen you since you were probably three years old! Me: Aww, I must’ve been cute. Man who is friends with my parents: ….Oh you still are cute!!
(via Bridget in Vermont)
Are snakes an inuendo?
Man in the subway: Look at them boots!
Me: (wearing colorful cowboy boots)
Man in the subway: You better watch out! Snakes love colorful boots!
Me: Huh??
Man in the subway: Keep those feet up!! Snakes love boots!
(via myself in NYC)
July 2009
3 posts
You should've told him you have "gas, gas, gas."
Construction Worker: JUMPIN’ JACK FLASH!
(via Alex in Washington, D.C.)
I imagine a tiny harp playing during this...
Me: I am really surprised.
Girl: What?
Me: That you haven’t been arrested yet.
Girl: Why?
Me: For being so beautiful.
(via Nick in NYC)
Pick-up line or meth-fueled rambling?
Man in the metro: G.I. Jane!
Me: ?
Man in the metro: Stop lookin’ at my legs or they gonna get mad too. You gotta a mullet. You look more like a demographic.
(via Alex in Washington, D.C.)
June 2009
6 posts
I still would not consider it even if it did in...
Man with cane: Shake your money-maker!
(via myself in NYC)
And FYI Gus is the fat one and Jaq is the other...
Man with potbelly: ‘Scuse me Cinderella, should I find another seat?
Me: Oh no, sorry. I was just trying to order a beer.
Man with potbelly: Cinderelli! Cinderelli! I’m like that mouse in the movie….but not the fat one.
Me: Gus? I remember one of the mice was named Gus.
Man with potbelly: Talk into my other ear. I can’t hear in this one.
Me: (repeat myself)
Man with...
Walking backwards on subway platform not advised.
Middle-aged man with baseball cap and greying hair: (walking backwards on the subway platform moving his gaze up and down) You have an amazing body.
Me: Uhhhhh.
(via Laura in NYC)
I have an inkling that this line doesn't work very...
Drunk girl: Hey there …you going to the bathroom? Me: Ummm yeah *awkward chuckle* Drunk girl: Cause I’m lookin’ for a stud. Me: I see. Drunk girl: I already got the STD, all I need is U. I’ll see you on the way out, honey.
(via Brian in Manhattan Beach, CA)
I didn't even sneeze!
Man loitering on 30th street: God bless you, Princess!
(via myself in NYC)
To his credit, he didn't say he liked your beard...
Middle aged guy in his “Sunday best” brown suit: Hi. Me: Hi. How’s it going? Guy in suit: I like your hair… cause it’s like Jesus hair. Me: (I think this is a nice compliment, if you’re a fan of Jesus) Thanks. Guy in suit: You know, cause it’s kinky… (I walk away quickly)… you hear me? (via Shea in Southeast D.C.)
May 2009
2 posts
an anonymous OKCupid message
Did you ever tell your friend, there is little something on their face, but they could never get the right spot, but search all over the face? Then you felt like slap her on the face? Well that was an ice breaker, if it serves the purpose, Hi !. Hope you are doing good. Hope you get tons of email everyday from awesome guys here . Then let me extend the same hope to assume that you are...
Scene from my walk to the gym this morning
[ARIELLE walks to the El in her gym clothes - yoga shorts, sneakers, and a baggy sweatshirt.]
LONE MAN ON SIDEWALK: Hey babygurl. You lookin real good. Good enough to eat, ha ha. Yeah you, Gray-Shorts. I like them legs.
ARIELLE: [stopping in her tracks, looking directly intently, unflinchingly at him] Oh, these aren't mine. I killed and skinned my roommate to make a pair of leggings.
LONE MAN ON SIDEWALK: ...
ARIELLE: [cheerfully] Have a good one!
[EXEUNT.]
April 2009
5 posts
In these economic times, we must put in as many...
Construction worker: Hey baby, you working today?
Me: Yes.
Construction worker: That’s cool. Me too.
(via Natasha in Washington, D.C.)
Why don't you hack up your skirt a little more?
Man on escalator at MSG after the Dave Matthews Band concert: I want to BITE YOUR ANKLES! *chomp* *chomp* *chomp*
(via Erica in NYC)
NOW DO-SI-DO!
Middle-aged man: Are you my dance partner?
Me: Uhhh….
Middle-aged man: YOU ARE NOW!
Then he proceeded to spin me around for the duration of the song with his gut resting upon my gut. True romance.
(via myself in NYC)
This actually kind of made my morning.
Older gentleman at Whole Foods: (steps out of the entryway to make way for me) Beauty before age.
(via myself in NYC)
March 2009
2 posts
I think he wanted me to swipe him through the...
Man in the subway: Hey you with the long blonde hair!
Me: (quickly walking through the turnstyle)
Man in the subway: Your hair is beautiful! And I like your black coat!
(my coat was brown)
(via myself in NYC)
Having heard this line several times before, I am...
Me: (walking quickly up 8th avenue in Chelsea where there are bars and restaurants galore)
Unknown Man: Miss! Miss! Excuse me...do you know of any good bars around here?
Me: Head that way. (pointing in the opposite direction in which I am walking)
(via Jess in NYC)